In 2019, I arrived at the Guatemala City airport alone and expecting to be met by Ovidio. Wi-Fi enabled WhatsApp, but it was not secure. The man who came to the curb could have been Ovidio or not. Could I trust him? I did and it was him. We build our lives on trust. Proverbs says, “Do not plot against your neighbors for they trust you.” (Prov 3:29).
How do we earn trust? There are three ways. First, we earn trust by just being in public. We trust people on the sidewalk, in the school hallway, or on the highways to act responsibly. When the fan at the Tour de France this week put his arm out and caught Sepp Kuss causing his fall and the domino effect on the peloton with others who hit the tarmac. Is that illegal? No, but his team is seeking not his arrest, but civil action. It is unthinkable!
Second, we earn trust by being responsible among friends or at work even if it’s a crowd. Let’s call it teamwork. Like what? Like the Cubs’ October 14, 2003, game against the Marlins at Wrigley Field. Cubs fan Steve Bartman earned immense social stigma and disgrace by catching a postseason foul ball hit by Luis Castillo, which Moises Alou would have caught if front-row Bartman had not interfered. The Cubs had led 3-0 and managed to melt down, losing 3-8 and missing the National League Pennant. This drama is repeated endlessly in ways that bother us and cause us to lose trust in someone (or they in us).
Finally, we earn trust by making commitments and not keeping them. This trust can be forgivably marred by mere thoughtlessness or failure, or it can be unforgivably destroyed by intentional cheating or even a full-blown betrayal. To continue with sports, Bill Buckner missed an easy grounder as a Boston Red Sox first baseman during the 1986 playoffs, which is considered one of the worst errors of all time.
Levels of Risk. Those three levels of trust are also three levels of risk we are willing to take in each situation. Sure, we trust strangers in public, but we still count our change. In the other two categories (teamwork or commitment) we are likely to engage in behavior that both strengthens (going the extra mile) or weakens (not telling your spouse you’ll be an hour late) our trustworthiness.
What do we do with the trust we have? Sometimes we just take people for granted. Your parents are just there and will always come through, even if you’ve been married for 20 years. School teachers will always do the right thing. Until they don’t
Three things that work: First, work on building your trustworthiness. It’s as simple as showing up on time with a good attitude and doing your job (or filling your role) reliably or letting an attitude of problem-solving replace a default to complaint or gossip. Sometimes this is called earning chips, meaning that you have a reserve of goodwill if you make a mistake or make a pretty tough or challenging request.
Second, be careful with you responses. If this sounds simplistic and obvious, recall all those you know whose responses were so out of whack as to seem tragically amusing. Do not respond in the emotion of the moment. Do not send that email. Calm down, meet with or call the person. Be a person of peace even though you are cranked up. Sleep on it. Failing here is the path to blowing up marriages.
Finally, never use or betray anyone. This is disrespectful in public, and it is a serious wrong or even evil when the relationships are close, as with teamwork or commitments, especially at home. It’s one thing to use the chips you’ve earned by relying on someone to help you out or to let you get away with something pretty questionable. It’s another to show disrespect. Even worse is to show contempt. Active carelessness of things that others rely on you for. A recent movie, Son, explored this betrayal with painful, tragic realism.
You could almost say that all the really rotten things of life come from betrayal. We think of revenge and justice, and our anger has a firm basis. We are to “make room for the wrath of God.” Meaning we do not need justice to get over it. Over it? The key is to forgive. Humbly accept the betrayal and humbly forgive the offender. This is the way of Jesus, the way of the cross. The way of the person we all would like to become.
Forgive? This is godly but not easy. The Cubs gave Bartman a ring when they won the 2017 World Series.